You Really DON’T Want This!

Zilvold Coaching & Training Blog
5 min read

Voor Nederlands, klik hier.

Summary: In earlier articles I wrote about how you can deal with resistance from groups. This article is about individuals who are in resistance and how you can help these people to quickly make a conscious choice to actively participate or do something else.

Occasionally, we ask participants during WHY workshops to stand up when a statement is true for someone. This brings energy to the room.
An example of such a question is: “Stand up if you were born in the Netherlands”.
Recently, Marius and I asked: “Stand up if you want to be here”. To our astonishment, half of the group stood up. The other half wanted to do something different than discover how their WHY can help them in making decisions, with relationships or their careers.

What Marius and I should have done is to give these people the choice to actively participate or leave the room. That had not happened and therefore this workshop was less successful than other workshops.

I prefer to work with people who are motivated, open to change, take responsibility and are aware of themselves. If not, fine, but then do something else.
It is of course easy to only work with like-minded people and participants who actively participate. Not all groups are like that. There are always people with resistance. Then it is too easy to send these people away.


It is about the mindset to actively participate and learn something new. My intention is to do things differently the next time participants are in resistance.

You know, I recognize resistance.

“O not again such an enthusiastic, positive trainer. It’s nice, but what’s the use of it? There are so many other important things to finish up. I do not want this. I just don’t feel like it.”

Have you ever thought that? I do! Ever since I was a teenager, I went to workshops and training’s on personal developments and I remember that I often looked blurry at my sneakers and avoided questions from the workshop facilitator.

What I discovered was that I had more joy, energy and enthusiasm if I did participate. Even more when I applied what I learned there. In fact, it has made me the person that I am today.

It was about changing my own mindset from closed to open. That means that I consciously make a choice to participate and take advantage of it. In this way I experience more joy, certainty, energy, connection, fulfillment and love. I wish participants this experience as well, so in the future I will invite them more explicitly to participate and make a decision about this within 5 seconds.

The 5 second rule

Research by neuroscientist Antonio Demasio has shown that we make 95% of our decisions based on our feelings. As soon as you are faced with a decision, you often already know what you should do. The feeling and the emotion are already clear.
What happens next is that your thoughts become active and come up with arguments for and against. You hesitate. This and fear of consequence prevent you from making a decision. Mel Robbins is the creator of the “The 5 Second Rule”. She encourages you to listen to your inner wisdom (which actually already knows) and to take action within 5 seconds. It is difficult to control your emotions or feelings. But you can control your thoughts.


So, if you want to say something during a meeting, you actually have to call a potential customer, you want to go to the gym or get up earlier, don’t put it off. Do not tell yourself that it’s not the right moment. It is never a good time to have a difficult conversation. That is why the 5 second rule is a good tool against procrastination. Actively count down from 5 to zero and then go or not. Do it or not. Want it or don’t want it. It will help you to take action and become more confident.


There is a disclaimer for this rule. Do not do this if you are going to sign a mortgage, are facing a major business decision or if you want to drive after drinking (never do that) …

How do you make decisions? Let me know in the comment field below. I and the other readers of this article are looking forward to reading from you!

Thank you for reading up to here & sharing this article with your colleagues, friends or family. And please SHARE this article with your network on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn and Google + by pressing the buttons below so that they can also benefit from this about resistance, mindset and making choices.

Have you seen an error in this article? Let me know! I am grateful!

For more information:
Read the book “The 5 Minute Rule” by Mel Robbins and listen to the podcast with her and Lewis Howes.

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments