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“What do you feel?” the coach asked. I often ask my clients that question, but now I was asked it. I felt a lot but found it hard to put into words.
“What emotion comes with this feeling?” the coach continued. I usually feel a lot and have little trouble expressing my emotions. This can be by crying, laughing (excessively), or getting angry. But today I did not know what I felt and what emotion was connected to that feeling.
Many of my clients, such as technicians, engineers, and managers of (care) departments, have difficulty expressing what they feel and what emotions are involved. Perhaps this is not measurable or manageable for these people. That is not surprising because there are around 34 thousand emotions. Then, try to name the right one.
This article is about feelings and emotions, which can help you deal with them more effectively at work and at home.
What are emotions?
Emotions are energy in motion. They often start with an awareness of a thought or an event. That awareness creates a feeling, which expresses itself in an emotion and reaction.
An example: It is very busy at the office. The phone keeps ringing and you find out that a project is delayed. Because of the stress, you react irritated (and may scream). Do you recognize this? It is energy in motion.
There are four core emotions that are the basis for all other emotions:
- Joy
- Anger
- Sadness
- Fear
Other emotions such as surprise, grief, disgust, love, shame, and acceptance are also referred to in the literature (Ekman, Plutchik, Pollack) as basic emotions. It is not clear how many basic emotions there are, but in the movie “Inside Out” by Disney Pixar, they are explained well:
This year, “Inside Out 2” came out. It uncovers more emotions, such as envy, embarrassment, and anxiety. The new animated movie shows how to deal with suppressed emotions.
It is surprising that there are more unpleasant (basic) emotions than pleasant ones. We are more likely to suffer from our unpleasant emotions, but that’s because they help us survive.
The benefits of dealing with emotions better
Emotions give you important information and show if things go how you want them to. They help you survive by responding quickly and efficiently to important situations or events in your life (both in the office, on the road, and at home). They help you interact with other people and with what comes your way (expectations and demands).
Emotions help you determine what you need from yourself and others. They also help you determine what you want. If you know what you want, you can take action to meet those expectations. You express what you feel through your emotions. Your past experiences in life can determine how you react emotionally.
Maybe you were often bullied in the past, which made you feel insecure and sad. At a certain point, you decided that you no longer wanted this. You then put armor around you to defend yourself. As a result, others can no longer connect with you, whereas you may need security, love, or connection.
It is useful to be able to deal with emotions when we experience intense feelings and can no longer act objectively because we respond impulsively (by “fight,” “flight,” or “freeze”). This can happen if we are angry, stressed, or surprised.
In the office, the benefits of dealing better with emotions are that performance can increase, and people enjoy their work more.
How to deal more effectively with feelings and emotions
You and others may have to deal with emotions. The emotions of others can have an effect on you. Imagine what it does to you when someone is angry with you.
It is about standing still and being aware of an event or situation. You can help yourself and others with emotions by being empathetic and patient, talking about them, telling your true feelings or emotions, and accepting that you are dealing with different emotions.
You can change your emotions with others by, for example, not being irritated but curious. Dealing better with your emotions has a positive effect on self-leadership and team leadership.
You can do the exercises (or follow the tips) below to better deal with feelings and emotions, both at home and at the workplace:
- Breathe (deeply and regularly)
- Count to 10 in a stressful situation
- Go back to your values
- Make a list of daily emotions and name them as accurately as possible
- Reflect (think) about how you feel NOW
- Watch people
- Take responsibility for your own behavior and how you treat others
- Really live in the moment
- Pay attention to the little things by saying “thank you” or “please” and mentioning the names of others during a conversation
- Do not take feedback from others personally; it does not determine who you are
- Connect with your WHY
- Make a list of questions you can ask in difficult situations (“And now what?”, “What do you think is happening?” or “What do you want/need?”)
- Take the time to explore and solve problems (a coach, trainer, or mentor can help you with this).
You can also use the “elevator” with emotions, as described in the article about character strengths. During an important situation, ask yourself the following: What did I think? What did I feel? And what did I want?
By finding out what you want (or what your team wants), you can rise above your emotions and use your character strengths to achieve your goals. It is a way to manage your emotions.
Working with emotions
So, it all starts with recognizing your emotions and those of others. Then, it’s about learning how to deal with your own emotions and social skills to better deal with the emotions of others. You can, for example, use the DiSC communication tool (Read this and this article on how to use DiSC for more effective communication and dealing with conflicts).
By being aware of your emotions, you can choose how you shape your life, work, and relationships. You can stop and enjoy the moments in your life to be more effective and experience more joy and satisfaction.
How do you deal with emotions, and what tips or exercises do you have? Let me know in the comment field below. I and the other readers of this article are looking forward to reading from you!
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Have you seen an error in this article? Let me know! I am grateful!
Update: I wrote the original article on October 8, 2019, and it was updated on April 19, 2024.
