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A while ago, a dear friend asked me how come I can get along with so many people. I had to think of about this for a while. I actually felt a little uncomfortable because there where more people in the group and their attention switched to me. It was as if I had to reveal some sort of big secret. Anyway, I did some soul digging (reflection) and I still don’t know the exact answer. You see, I believe that it’s not about getting the best out of relationships but rather about giving to relationships. So here but here are some of my guidelines:
–I am genuinely interested in other people. I look them in the eyes as I engage in a conversation, I ask a lot of questions and I rephrase of what has been said to make sure I’ve understood everything well.
–I try to find how I can support people, let them feel safe and make a connection from heart to heart. This means looking in their eyes or giving a hug.
–I ask myself, what is needed in a conversation? Should I give advice, should I coach, train or just listen? Or I ask myself, what character strength that I possess is needed at this time to serve the whole in a better way? Do I need to be grateful, enthusiastic, hopeful, creative or do I need to use my leadership strengths, zest or humor in this particular situation?
–I am authentic. I aim to be myself. That means to be honest about what I feel and see. If I see someone look away when he or she is talking to me I would ask if there’s something else going on.
–I try to see the bigger picture. I try to talk about things other than my goal of the conversation. It’s about building a long term relationship.
-Sometimes I have the urge to reconnect with someone and I could just call or write a little email. I prefer snail mail and send a small letter to let someone know that I am thinking about him or her. The thought of making someone happy creates a lot of joy for me.
–I try to keep in mind the following questions: ” Is it true, kind and necessary?”, before saying anything.
–I just love other people as I know they come in my life for a reason. Perhaps we have to learn something from each other and sometimes it’s just like meeting old friends and I am most grateful for these renewed meetings.
–I ask: “How can I support you?” or “What do you need from me?”.
– I have fun. Relationships can be strenuous. It’s important to have fun! Even with your colleagues. Go out for a coffee or dinner! Sometimes I ask to share if they’ve experienced something funny lately.
–Treat the other how you want to be treated. I would like others to respect me, to do what they’ve promised, to be inspiring, to be honest, to be kind, open minded, optimistic, joyful, and themselves. So this is what I do.
–The subjects I try to avoid: politics & gossip.
-In other words…I am me and this means that I have to let go of certain relationships as well for a while. Perhaps you’ve experienced that some people with whom you’ve spend a lot of time at work or in a personal relationship just ‘ fade” away. That’s OK.
And as I am writing this, I realize that these guidelines apply for all kind of relationships, business, personal and intimate relationships. The (5!) people who you choose to hang around the most in your life will determine your state of happiness and your success. So choose your relationships wisely…
What do you do to give the best to your relationships? Let me know in the comment box below. I am looking forward reading from you!
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