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My sea is the North Sea, my mountain is the Paaschberg; my river is the Oude IJssel. My grandparents’ names were Teuntje, Johan, Connie, and Floris. My father’s name was Adriaan, and my mother’s name was Ellen. I live with my wife Angelika and my sons in Rotterdam. My parents grew up in North Holland, and I was born in Suriname. I lived in Luxembourg until I was 18. After that I lived in the Netherlands, the United States, France, and Germany. Our family comes from the village of Silvolde in the eastern part of the Netherlands. I facilitate so that others can uplift themselves and experience more love. My name is Freek Zilvold.
Whakapapa
The paragraph above is the introduction that I give during a haka workshop. This is my basic version of a pēpeha, part of a mihimihi (a formal greeting in Māori). It actually contains just a part of my whakapapa. A whakapapa (pronounced like fah-ka-PAH-pah) is a recitation of your lineage, your genealogy.
The genealogy of the Van Silvolde family, dating back to the 13th century, has been recorded in two books, and a third has to be written. There is much more to tell about the family and the in-laws, but I have summarized my origins for the workshop. I am not Māori, and my whakapapa and pēpeha have not been verified by a Māori who specializes in this special recitation of one’s past.
It’s about being clear about where I come from, who I am, where I belong, and where I’m going. I am convinced that others will be able to place and understand me better.
More importantly, I am aware that I am not alone, even when I am standing in front of a group of 10 to 200 people. Still, by presenting my pēpeha (with its whakapapa elements), I know that my family and the people who care about me and support me (including my friends, church, teachers, guides, colleagues, and clients) stand behind me. Even if they are no longer on this earth. I then feel the strength, energy, enthusiasm, confidence, and love of everyone behind me. I also feel connected to everyone. It is my responsibility to receive this strength and channel it into what I am doing, for the benefit of others.
According to psychologist Michael Gervais, a whakapapa enables you to have a mindful approach to life. Both on a personal and professional level.
Belonging
We all have a basic psychological need to belong and be connected. It gives us security, confidence, protection, and the feeling that we are accepted and that we’re part of a shared purpose. Our bodies then produce the hormone oxytocin when we have social connections.
I felt alone when I left the engineering firm I had belonged to for 14 years. Customers and colleagues didn’t call me, lab technicians didn’t ask for directions, and there was no more conversation with the friendly colleagues at the coffee machine. Of course, I had chosen to leave this tribe for a new adventure, but my purpose had disappeared because of this ‘divorce.’
–>Reading tip: My 5 Main Lessons that I Have Learned at an Engineering Firm
Who are you?
Then there was a search for who I am. Of course, I was there for my family for the next three years when we lived in Germany. But to take care of a family is not really a purpose. Rather, it is a WHAT. A WHAT is something you do, and in 2011, it was to take care of my family. I live my WHY no matter who I am with: my family or colleagues.
->Reading tip: Now what?
The search for who I am began much earlier in my life, but it became tangible only when I returned to the Netherlands in 2014. If you know yourself, then you know better what is good for you (and what is not). You are better able to make choices on both a personal and a professional level.
A revelation was the rediscovery of my values and my character strengths. They enabled me to do and develop the things that energize me and put me in a flow state.
Finally, I discovered my WHY. Like my values and my character strengths, I always felt them. By researching and identifying them, they began to come alive. I discovered what I want: to live my WHY. A WHY is the contribution that has an effect on the world. A WHY is always action-oriented, infinite, and positive.
->Reading tip: How to find your WHY
Your WHY and that of your tribe
Everyone has a WHY. Also, the organization where you work. If you and your tribe take the time to discover your WHY, you can make better decisions. This means a tribe can attract the right employees (and customers!) who feel connected to the tribe’s WHY. It also means finding the right organization that fits your WHY. I am convinced this is how you build tribes where people truly feel they belong.
And where do I belong?
I feel strongly connected to my family, church, friends, colleagues, and clients. I also aim to belong to a large group of people (souls) who want to be a light in this world. These people have a positive outlook on life, work together harmoniously, are enthusiastic about their goals, live in love, and support others in difficult times.
The quote below from the German monk Anselm Grün resonates strongly with me:
We are here on earth to make the world a little brighter, warmer, and more human.
— Anselm Grün
Discover your WHY or Whakapapa
Your WHY is a mihimihi and a powerful summary of your whakapapa, your identity. An organization’s whakapapa is often easier to map than a family’s, because most organizations only go back about 100 years. In a WHY session, we look at important experiences in your life or during the existence of an organization. These are themes where contributions and effects on the world are identified. A WHY provides energy, direction, motivation, and perseverance. Do you want to discover yours or your tribe’s?
Contact us today to get acquainted and discover how a WHY can help you!
Who are you, where do you belong, and what is your whakapapa? Let me know in the comment field below. The other readers of this article and I are looking forward to reading from you!
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Have you seen an error in this article? Let me know! I am grateful!
Sources:
Belonging, Owen Eastwood
Find Your WHY, Simon Sinek
Master Your Mindset, Michael Pilarczyk
Update: I wrote the original article on January 13th, 2023, and it was updated on May 8th, 2026
