This article is about what you can do if you are sensitive to what people do and say around you.
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I don’t remember exactly what the reason was, but my best friend said: “Freek is offended again.” Probably a game in the forest did not go the way I wanted it. I was about 12 years old remember when I cycled home alone and angry.
I can still occasionally feel insulted when others don’t see me or haven’t acknowledged what I’ve done. For example, if my ideas for a project are not adopted, if someone cancels a meeting too easily, or if a gift from me is left somewhere without attention.
It makes me feel sad, and I can still think about it for a long time.
One of my strengths is harmony. For me, that means that we work well together, listen to each other, recognize each other, and interact in a respectful/loving way.
Strengths, talents, qualities can be overacted. In my case, I can appear compulsive and become overly sensitive to rejection. Then it is possible that I feel insulted, sad, or misunderstood. I prefer to leave then.
Not long ago, I heard someone say the following:
“You are not your behavior. You behave according to your state. You are not your state”.
For me, it is about an emotional or a sad state. There is anger, disappointment, or sadness. Maybe I am sensitive to what is happening around me and how others appear to me.
How do you best deal with (over) sensitivity and it’s consequences at work and home?
To better understand yourself, it is important to become aware of your state. Basically, it comes down to coming into the now, the present. You can do this by breathing slowly (read this article on how to do this). It can also help to change your posture to one that feels more relaxed and confident. After all, it helps me to smile. Then sadness and anger disappear.
Who are you really, and what do you want?
I wanted to contribute to a project and help others by making life a little more fun and easier. That thought alone is very enlightening and makes us free of emotions.
Understand the other person
Because I preferred to blame my old friend for insulting me and not doing what I wanted. Perhaps, I feel like someone doesn’t recognize me after I’ve contributed to a particular project. It’s not the because of the other person that makes me feel a particular way now.
I behave according to my state. Maybe my friend had a much nicer game in mind, or the other person was distracted by everything else she had to do (for me) when she carelessly put my present away.
Actually, most people are too busy thinking about their own problems and challenges, which means they are not thinking of you. You are not the most important person in everyone’s life.
I really can’t imagine people doing anything to offend me consciously and make me feel bad. It helps to put yourself in the other’s position and understand what he or she is going through. Their behavior is not a reaction to you (something sensitive persons tend to believe).
You create more empathy by listening calmly. Focus on the other person’s feelings rather than the words he/she speaks. Ask a question if something is unclear. Indicate what you need to work better and more effectively. For example, it is nice for me to receive feedback on my input.
Real communication and connection
I strive for harmony, connection, and positivity. I have to make an effort to make this happen. I can do this by being aware of my own state, qualities, and focusing on the other. This creates real communication and connection between two people, without anger or sadness.
Do you also want to discover your character strengths or learn to communicate better during conflicts? Character strength coaching can help you to use your qualities better. A DiSC assessment can also help you find out what your preferred communicative style is. Are you interested in a free introduction session? Please do not hesitate to contact me!
How do you deal with your high sensitivity or that of others? Let me know in the comment field below. The other readers of this article, and I are looking forward to reading from you!
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Source: The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D.